Here we are again. More tests. I called my doctor this morning to discuss Chlomid. She called me back saying I needed to bring in Josh's semen analysis and get my final test for progesterone done. News to me! So you mean for the past four months this all could have happened? Today is the first day of my cycle so NOW I have to wait another three weeks to get the blood work taken and then another week to meet with my doc. This is so frustrating. The nurse acted as if I was told all this. I don't remember her ever saying to bring in the semen analysis. Who knows, maybe she did and I just didn't take it in. She was really nice though. They always are at Dr. Shimp's office. That month was a serious whirlwind with information and tests and surgery. So now....we wait again. Maybe by FEBRUARY I'll have some sort of answer. Gah, I'm hoping it's just the time of the month but I am seriously an emotional roller coaster today. Josh will be 30 and I'm 31 and all I keep thinking is "what if there's something wrong with his semen? What if they find out I'm not ovulating? Then I'll need IVF and that takes SO long! I don't want to be old parents!!" That's pretty much my thought process every night before bed, which is probably why I'm not falling asleep until around 2am.
There is SOME good news though. Or at least a shining light for me. I've met a wonderful couple who has been giving me advice on how to proceed with things. They had personal issues with pregnancy and have been through it all. They now have two BEAUTIFUL sets of twins!!! Oh how I love twins. This family...well, Josh and I call them Super Man and Super Woman, they're just really cool people. Anyway, recently she's been giving me tips on what to ask for and what to look out for. This is REALLY helpful!! It kicked my butt into calling my doc. I was nervous about sounding too anxious or bugging the doc but at least now I know where to go from here.
Allllright! Time to get crackin at the end of the month! HAHA Hey, at least there's ONE silver lining to all this. Maybe the next time I get on here I'll have some sort of news. Thank you for all the support that's been given to me lately. It was tough to make this blog public, but in doing so I have come across many women with my same concerns. So thank you to those of you who have reached out to me. <3
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
STOP TELLING ME TO "JUST GET PREGNANT!"
Just a heads up....there will probably be some profanity in this because I'm at my wit's end. I am SO tired of everyone telling me to "just get pregnant." It's the freaking solution to EVERYTHING, apparently. I was asking advice on how to lose weight and someone says "just get pregnant." I was saying I needed something to do that weekend and someone says "just get pregnant." I wanted to buy baby clothes for my niece and someone says "just get pregnant." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! You KNOW what has been consuming my life for the past two years!!!! I. AM. TRYINGGGGG! You don't know how UPSET it makes me when my friends say "Just have a baby already!" It only adds to my stress. I already cry myself to sleep OFTEN because all I want is a precious mix of myself and my amazing husband. I want so badly to look at that little face and say "yep, that's Josh's smile." I want that SO SO terribly bad. NEVER tell a woman who has pregnancy issues to "just have sex. It will happen." Well....I feel like a freakin porn star with how much sex we're having. OH! And those of you who say "just get drunk and do it." Seriously? Because now I feel like an alcoholic. I know I'm not the only one who's going through this but you'd think these people have no idea what pregnancy problems are! If I hear one more person tell me to "just get pregnant" or "just have a baby" I will probably throw my computer through their window. I will have a meltdown. If I could "just get pregnant" I'd have a 2 year old right now. Please, never ever say this to a woman.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Post-Op and Birthday
This morning I had my post op appointment. Apparently, everything went smoothly!! They said my remaining ovary and fallopian tube look wonderful so that would not prevent me from getting pregnant! Whew! They did say the cyst was the size of a softball. Cheese and Rice! No wonder I was feeling blah for so long! I still have yet to write my old doctor. As time goes on, I am leaning more to the "just let it go" factor. I'll just keep sending the word out that Dr. Boyd is not a good gynecologist. We reordered my fertility tests so as soon as my monthly friend stops by, I'll start those. The answers are coming. Slowly but surely. That's really all I'm asking for right now. Plus, it's my birthday!! :D Great day to get great news! I have a lovely evening planned at home with my husband, which is just what the doctor ordered. Well, actually the doctor said to go ahead and start trying again. Again, great timing for the news to come. WINK! heheheh ;)
Anyway, we'll see what happens. Now, it's just a waiting thing, which I'm okay with. I'm healthy and my family is healthy so I'm very grateful for all of this. Till next time!
Anyway, we'll see what happens. Now, it's just a waiting thing, which I'm okay with. I'm healthy and my family is healthy so I'm very grateful for all of this. Till next time!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
another bump in the road...
It's been awhile since my first post. I finally had the surgery to remove the cyst from my right ovary. During the pre-op they took my temp and discovered I had a 100.1 temp. I had no idea I was sick! I had to do a cleanse the day before so I assumed my light headedness and head congestion were side effects of that. After the nurse discussed with the doctor and anesthesiologist, they decided to go ahead with the surgery.
After the operation, I came to and the nurse was getting me ready while my husband sat with me. He told me Dr. Shimp spoke with him after the surgery and said the cyst was a lot bigger than they thought. They had to remove my entire ovary. I instantly started to cry and the nurse came back and said "he told you about the ovary?" I nodded my head and she said "I'm so sorry" and sat with us for a bit. I thought that was extremely sweet of her. He continued that Dr. Shimp also said my other ovary and tubes are "beautiful" and they wouldn't be a cause for not getting pregnant. So, now I sit and wait and recover. I have a post op visit in a week or so and will discuss testing my thyroid and for PCOS. I'm just tired of all the obstacles we're having to overcome to get where I'd love to be. HOWEVER, finally, we're getting answers.
I have been tossing around the idea of getting in touch with Dr. Boyd's office. I was informed this cyst had been there for years. Had Dr. Boyd taken my requests for a sono over a year ago seriously, maybe I would still have two ovaries. NO, I KNOW I'd still have two ovaries. Dr. Shimp listened to me and made the call to acknowledge my wishes. She will never know how much I appreciate her for that. After speaking to some women about my worries with Dr. Boyd they said they've had issues with his office and staff not listening to them and cutting corners as well. How can you function as a person of the medical industry by not listening to your patients? I'll never understand that.
It's time to move on and up! The past is the past. It's been fixed. Now onto getting some more answers. :) My husband has been amazing through all this. I owe him a REALLY nice cooked dinner when I'm well! Until the next time...here's to fertility filled days! :D
After the operation, I came to and the nurse was getting me ready while my husband sat with me. He told me Dr. Shimp spoke with him after the surgery and said the cyst was a lot bigger than they thought. They had to remove my entire ovary. I instantly started to cry and the nurse came back and said "he told you about the ovary?" I nodded my head and she said "I'm so sorry" and sat with us for a bit. I thought that was extremely sweet of her. He continued that Dr. Shimp also said my other ovary and tubes are "beautiful" and they wouldn't be a cause for not getting pregnant. So, now I sit and wait and recover. I have a post op visit in a week or so and will discuss testing my thyroid and for PCOS. I'm just tired of all the obstacles we're having to overcome to get where I'd love to be. HOWEVER, finally, we're getting answers.
I have been tossing around the idea of getting in touch with Dr. Boyd's office. I was informed this cyst had been there for years. Had Dr. Boyd taken my requests for a sono over a year ago seriously, maybe I would still have two ovaries. NO, I KNOW I'd still have two ovaries. Dr. Shimp listened to me and made the call to acknowledge my wishes. She will never know how much I appreciate her for that. After speaking to some women about my worries with Dr. Boyd they said they've had issues with his office and staff not listening to them and cutting corners as well. How can you function as a person of the medical industry by not listening to your patients? I'll never understand that.
It's time to move on and up! The past is the past. It's been fixed. Now onto getting some more answers. :) My husband has been amazing through all this. I owe him a REALLY nice cooked dinner when I'm well! Until the next time...here's to fertility filled days! :D
Thursday, July 12, 2012
So far...
I've thought about writing a blog about my pregnancy troubles for a bit. The thing that scared me most is maybe jinxing it. Yea, I know, a lot of people think the superstition crap is just that...crap. But I hold a lot of stock in it! Or did...until two years ago.
My husband and I have a relationship many can only DREAM of. And yes, I'm bragging. I have never met a man so kind, loyal, caring, selfless, honest, and just all around GOOD, in my life! He puts everyone before himself. Maybe that's why you can't NOT like him :) We married August 22, 2009. A year later we decided to try and conceive. I have been pregnant before, by a man I had a relationship with before my husband, which resulted in a miscarriage. HOWEVER, I thought "Oh man this will be SO easy!" Six months go by...My gyno tells me I'm healthy and to just keep trying. So we did. At first, yes, it was "business sex" like it is for many who are trying to conceive. Our sex life has always been healthy and it started turning into a job which we both hated. So we stopped the BIZ and started saying "whatever happens, happens."
Fast forward to a year with still nothing. That's when I started to get uneasy about everything. I was offered a job in Florida, so we said "ok let's put the baby making on hold for a bit" and started using protection again. Knowing NOW the pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, we started trying AGAIN three months after the move. Still nothing.
By now, sleepless nights accompanied by endless tears was normal. All my life I felt I was put here to be a mom. I worked in a day care for two years...taught gymnastics for 15 years. When my sister was a baby I used to beg to feed her her bottle. HELL when my mom breast fed my sister, I would breast feed my cabbage patch!
Fast forward to a month ago. We finally decided maybe it was time for tests. My husband had a semen analysis done...all good. So I started talking to my gyno about our journey and she immediately ordered blood work and an HSG. Mind you...my gyno back home knew what I was going through and every time I asked for these tests she blew off the idea and said to keep trying. So when my new doctor ordered them all right away I was COMPLETELY relieved!
Those of you who have never had these tests done, here's how it plays out. I have to wait for my cycle to begin...then I order one set of blood work (they take two vials for two tests at this time) on my 3rd day. THEN ANOTHER set of two vials on my last week, I believe it was. In between that I have to order my HSG.
The day I schedule my first test I get a call from someone very close to me. They're pregnant. I can't even begin to explain what I felt. I was so happy for them! but so upset for myself and THEN upset I was being selfish. I cried and OH, I was on the air at that time! (I'm a radio DJ) SO I had to hang up and pretend it didn't happen in order to keep my composure. PSH all I could THINK about was "WHY NOT ME?!?!"
Ok, back to the tests. Sigh...oh the HSG. I thought it would be simple...go in, they shoot dye into my uterus to make sure the fallopian tubes are open...then I'm done! So I schedule it for my lunch hour on a Friday. I'm nervous as hell 'cause I had read horror stories about this test but I'd also read that it didn't hurt at all. The technicians were so so nice! So that was helpful. It begins. The balloon goes in to expand the uterus. The dye gets shot. HOLY SHIT!!!!! I felt more pain than I can remember. I screamed! I cried. It was excruciating. I couldn't believe it hurt this much! The results showed the tubes are open, however, the tech saw something in my uterus so he advised my doc to do an ultrasound.
Ultrasound day. The tech left that large rod thing in me for quite some time. Made SURE I was going to see the doc following the test. I assured her I'd stay to speak with my doc. Awesome. WAY to ease my mind. The doc came in and said "There are some CRAZY things on your ultrasound!" oh. sweet. sounds fun. She shows me the pics and says Good News! My tubes are open! Bad news...I have a 7 cm dermatoid cyst on my right ovary. Now, this doesn't cause infertility with it being there BUT it needs to come out before it starts wrapping itself around my ovary. She also says these grow very slowly and mine is pretty big so it's been there for awhile. Awhile?? How long is that?!
And this, friends, is where I am today. I have my surgery at the end of August and will be bed ridden for a week after and THEN we're starting right back up!
In writing this...I'm hoping I can maybe ease other women's minds who are going through something similar and say "hey! you're not alone! We're not all 16 and pregnant." I keep saying "what's meant to happen, will happen." The thing about that is...when you're on facebook and see 6 of your friends in the past month announce their pregnancy/new birth it's hard to hold onto faith that maybe...just MAYBE...one day....you'll be that person....announcing your gift you've tried SO HARD and for SO LONG to obtain.
I haven't lost faith. HOWEVER, we've also discussed the "what if" and know SHOULD this path not be the one I'm chosen for, then we will definitely be adopting. Either way, a child is in my future. The question is, when will it happen?
My husband and I have a relationship many can only DREAM of. And yes, I'm bragging. I have never met a man so kind, loyal, caring, selfless, honest, and just all around GOOD, in my life! He puts everyone before himself. Maybe that's why you can't NOT like him :) We married August 22, 2009. A year later we decided to try and conceive. I have been pregnant before, by a man I had a relationship with before my husband, which resulted in a miscarriage. HOWEVER, I thought "Oh man this will be SO easy!" Six months go by...My gyno tells me I'm healthy and to just keep trying. So we did. At first, yes, it was "business sex" like it is for many who are trying to conceive. Our sex life has always been healthy and it started turning into a job which we both hated. So we stopped the BIZ and started saying "whatever happens, happens."
Fast forward to a year with still nothing. That's when I started to get uneasy about everything. I was offered a job in Florida, so we said "ok let's put the baby making on hold for a bit" and started using protection again. Knowing NOW the pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, we started trying AGAIN three months after the move. Still nothing.
By now, sleepless nights accompanied by endless tears was normal. All my life I felt I was put here to be a mom. I worked in a day care for two years...taught gymnastics for 15 years. When my sister was a baby I used to beg to feed her her bottle. HELL when my mom breast fed my sister, I would breast feed my cabbage patch!
Fast forward to a month ago. We finally decided maybe it was time for tests. My husband had a semen analysis done...all good. So I started talking to my gyno about our journey and she immediately ordered blood work and an HSG. Mind you...my gyno back home knew what I was going through and every time I asked for these tests she blew off the idea and said to keep trying. So when my new doctor ordered them all right away I was COMPLETELY relieved!
Those of you who have never had these tests done, here's how it plays out. I have to wait for my cycle to begin...then I order one set of blood work (they take two vials for two tests at this time) on my 3rd day. THEN ANOTHER set of two vials on my last week, I believe it was. In between that I have to order my HSG.
The day I schedule my first test I get a call from someone very close to me. They're pregnant. I can't even begin to explain what I felt. I was so happy for them! but so upset for myself and THEN upset I was being selfish. I cried and OH, I was on the air at that time! (I'm a radio DJ) SO I had to hang up and pretend it didn't happen in order to keep my composure. PSH all I could THINK about was "WHY NOT ME?!?!"
Ok, back to the tests. Sigh...oh the HSG. I thought it would be simple...go in, they shoot dye into my uterus to make sure the fallopian tubes are open...then I'm done! So I schedule it for my lunch hour on a Friday. I'm nervous as hell 'cause I had read horror stories about this test but I'd also read that it didn't hurt at all. The technicians were so so nice! So that was helpful. It begins. The balloon goes in to expand the uterus. The dye gets shot. HOLY SHIT!!!!! I felt more pain than I can remember. I screamed! I cried. It was excruciating. I couldn't believe it hurt this much! The results showed the tubes are open, however, the tech saw something in my uterus so he advised my doc to do an ultrasound.
Ultrasound day. The tech left that large rod thing in me for quite some time. Made SURE I was going to see the doc following the test. I assured her I'd stay to speak with my doc. Awesome. WAY to ease my mind. The doc came in and said "There are some CRAZY things on your ultrasound!" oh. sweet. sounds fun. She shows me the pics and says Good News! My tubes are open! Bad news...I have a 7 cm dermatoid cyst on my right ovary. Now, this doesn't cause infertility with it being there BUT it needs to come out before it starts wrapping itself around my ovary. She also says these grow very slowly and mine is pretty big so it's been there for awhile. Awhile?? How long is that?!
And this, friends, is where I am today. I have my surgery at the end of August and will be bed ridden for a week after and THEN we're starting right back up!
In writing this...I'm hoping I can maybe ease other women's minds who are going through something similar and say "hey! you're not alone! We're not all 16 and pregnant." I keep saying "what's meant to happen, will happen." The thing about that is...when you're on facebook and see 6 of your friends in the past month announce their pregnancy/new birth it's hard to hold onto faith that maybe...just MAYBE...one day....you'll be that person....announcing your gift you've tried SO HARD and for SO LONG to obtain.
I haven't lost faith. HOWEVER, we've also discussed the "what if" and know SHOULD this path not be the one I'm chosen for, then we will definitely be adopting. Either way, a child is in my future. The question is, when will it happen?
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