So far...

I've thought about writing a blog about my pregnancy troubles for a bit. The thing that scared me most is maybe jinxing it. Yea, I know, a lot of people think the superstition crap is just that...crap. But I hold a lot of stock in it! Or did...until two years ago. 
My husband and I have a relationship many can only DREAM of. And yes, I'm bragging. I have never met a man so kind, loyal, caring, selfless, honest, and just all around GOOD, in my life! He puts everyone before himself. Maybe that's why you can't NOT like him :) We married August 22, 2009. A year later we decided to try and conceive. I have been pregnant before, by a man I had a relationship with before my husband, which resulted in a miscarriage. HOWEVER, I thought "Oh man this will be SO easy!" Six months go by...My gyno tells me I'm healthy and to just keep trying. So we did. At first, yes, it was "business sex" like it is for many who are trying to conceive. Our sex life has always been healthy and it started turning into a job which we both hated. So we stopped the BIZ and started saying "whatever happens, happens." 
Fast forward to a year with still nothing. That's when I started to get uneasy about everything. I was offered a job in Florida, so we said "ok let's put the baby making on hold for a bit" and started using protection again. Knowing NOW the pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, we started trying AGAIN three months after the move. Still nothing.
By now, sleepless nights accompanied by endless tears was normal. All my life I felt I was put here to be a mom. I worked in a day care for two years...taught gymnastics for 15 years. When my sister was a baby I used to beg to feed her her bottle. HELL when my mom breast fed my sister, I would breast feed my cabbage patch!
Fast forward to a month ago. We finally decided maybe it was time for tests. My husband had a semen analysis done...all good. So I started talking to my gyno about our journey and she immediately ordered blood work and an HSG. Mind you...my gyno back home knew what I was going through and every time I asked for these tests she blew off the idea and said to keep trying. So when my new doctor ordered them all right away I was COMPLETELY relieved! 
Those of you who have never had these tests done, here's how it plays out. I have to wait for my cycle to begin...then I order one set of blood work (they take two vials for two tests at this time) on my 3rd day. THEN ANOTHER set of two vials on my last week, I believe it was. In between that I have to order my HSG. 
The day I schedule my first test I get a call from someone very close to me. They're pregnant. I can't even begin to explain what I felt. I was so happy for them! but so upset for myself and THEN upset I was being selfish. I cried and OH, I was on the air at that time! (I'm a radio DJ) SO I had to hang up and pretend it didn't happen in order to keep my composure. PSH all I could THINK about was "WHY NOT ME?!?!"
Ok, back to the tests. Sigh...oh the HSG. I thought it would be simple...go in, they shoot dye into my uterus to make sure the fallopian tubes are open...then I'm done! So I schedule it for my lunch hour on a Friday. I'm nervous as hell 'cause I had read horror stories about this test but I'd also read that it didn't hurt at all. The technicians were so so nice! So that was helpful. It begins. The balloon goes in to expand the uterus. The dye gets shot. HOLY SHIT!!!!! I felt more pain than I can remember. I screamed! I cried. It was excruciating. I couldn't believe it hurt this much! The results showed the tubes are open, however, the tech saw something in my uterus so he advised my doc to do an ultrasound.
Ultrasound day. The tech left that large rod thing in me for quite some time. Made SURE I was going to see the doc following the test. I assured her I'd stay to speak with my doc. Awesome. WAY to ease my mind. The doc came in and said "There are some CRAZY things on your ultrasound!" oh. sweet. sounds fun. She shows me the pics and says Good News! My tubes are open! Bad news...I have a 7 cm dermatoid cyst on my right ovary. Now, this doesn't cause infertility with it being there BUT it needs to come out before it starts wrapping itself around my ovary. She also says these grow very slowly and mine is pretty big so it's been there for awhile. Awhile?? How long is that?! 
And this, friends, is where I am today. I have my surgery at the end of August and will be bed ridden for a week after and THEN we're starting right back up! 
In writing this...I'm hoping I can maybe ease other women's minds who are going through something similar and say "hey! you're not alone! We're not all 16 and pregnant." I keep saying "what's meant to happen, will happen." The thing about that is...when you're on facebook and see 6 of your friends in the past month announce their pregnancy/new birth it's hard to hold onto faith that maybe...just MAYBE...one day....you'll be that person....announcing your gift you've tried SO HARD and for SO LONG to obtain. 
I haven't lost faith. HOWEVER, we've also discussed the "what if" and know SHOULD this path not be the one I'm chosen for, then we will definitely be adopting. Either way, a child is in my future. The question is, when will it happen?