Today is the day we get the results. I met Josh at his urologist and we wait for the doc to come in. I kind of already knew what was going to be said but here's what I hoped for:
1) You have a veraseal (sp?). With a little surgery we can take care of that and you'll be on your way.
2) Our bad! You guys are fine and in fact you're probably pregnant.
None of the above happened. In fact, doc said what I thought which is "Together, you can't have a baby naturally. With different partners, you probably would have a family already."
Well, minus that last part. I didn't expect our doctor to say that. I thought it was a bit harsh and disrespectful. He continued to give us a couple specialists in the area to choose from. He then proceeded to tell me he saw me on stage at the rock show my station put on and talked about that for ten minutes. Hey pal, you just told me I can't get pregnant with the love of my life. Let's have some sort of respect here. I don't want to hear about your rock show experiences in Germany either. Tell me how to deal with this!
So this is where we're at. I'm very fertile. Josh is very fertile. Together, we are not. I don't understand. I'll never understand how we...seriously the best couple I know...can't have a baby. Why is it so God Damn difficult for our love to be shared and molded into a beautiful child? Why is it so fucking hard to make love tonight and have a gorgeous human being be the outcome of that? I went from cloud 9 to misery in a split second. My sister keeps saying "I know you guys will have a family. I just know it." But when doctor after doctor tells you "you're fine separately. Together, you're not," you tend to start believing them over your heart.
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